Going Public With The Blog

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I have been debating with myself for awhile if I wanted to keep this blog as my own little on-line diary, or if I wanted to go public with it. As you can tell from the link above, I have decided to go public.  You can now follow me on Bloglovin.

I have no intention of using this blog as anything more than a hobby. I don't plan on pursuing advertisers or sponsors, and I don't consider it to be a secondary career. However, I know I can't be the only middle-aged, plus-sized woman in the world who is trying to find a way to manage life a little more successfully.  If any of my experiences can help someone, I feel it is my duty to do so.

So, here I am world.

Memorial Day

On this Memorial Day as you enjoy your picnics, BBQ's, and sales at the mall, please take a moment to remember the men and women who gave their lives in service to their country.

Regardless of our beliefs or political affiliations, the one thing we should all be able to agree on is the respect that is due to those that have made the ultimate sacrifice in defense of our country.

To all of those who never made it home, I send a humble and deeply felt "Thank You".

On Grief

This has been such a terribly sad week.  Of course, the bombing at the Boston Marathon has been foremost in people’s minds.  It is just incomprehensible to me how anybody could have such hate in them that they feel compelled to injure and kill complete strangers.  We live in a scary, scary world.

A little closer to home, Pat Summerall passed away today.  He was such an incredible man.  He was kind, classy, and had a tremendous broadcasting talent.  He was also a wonderful example of someone who embraced their second chance and made the most of it.   My hubby was blessed to get to know Mr. Summerall on a personal basis. He was one of his favorite people and we both join the families, friends, and fans of Mr. Summerall who are mourning his passing.

This week also held a tragedy at my job.  A co-worker was killed in a freak accident.  She was only 26. I never got a chance to know her, but everyone who did says that she was one of the best people they had ever known.  Most of the people that she worked closely with were close to her in age.  For a lot of them this will probably be the first time they have ever lost someone close to them, let alone a peer.  I am so proud of the way my company has handled this. They have made counselors available to anyone who needs them, have made sure that everyone has the funeral information, and are even creating a memory book to send to her family.  I was just really blown away by the support that they are giving to those who are suffering from this loss.

I have had some tragic losses in my life and consider myself pretty well versed in the mourning process.  If I could give those experiencing a loss one piece of advice it is that everyone grieves in their own way.  Some people need to continue their life like nothing has happened, some people need to lock themselves away and lose themselves in tears for a while, some people feel the need to constantly be active and fill their life with as many distractions as possible.  Nobody can tell you that you are grieving wrong, just as you cannot judge how anyone else grieves.  My one caveat to that is that if your grieving process has you turning to drugs or alcohol, if you have suicidal thoughts, or if your grief begins to turn into depression you should seek out help in dealing with it.  There is no shame in talking to someone.  A burden shared is a burden lessened.

For everyone who has lost family, friends, or co-workers this week, be kind to yourself. The pain does lessen. Your loved one will always be remembered and will always be a part of you. Take the time to mourn the loss and mark their passing in whatever way feels right to you.

Blessings to you all.

I’m a Bad, Bad Blogger

Back when I started this blog I had grand ambitions of it being a place where I could foster my creativity and grow my writing skills.  I swore I would write insightful, funny posts and do my very best to be a devoted and authentic blogger.  I didn’t do too bad the first month or so.  I wasn’t blogging as much as I wanted to, but I was at least getting some stuff out there.  Then, life happened.

The month of January was an incredibly stressful time.  Some of it good, some of it bad, but all of it very intense and anxiety provoking.  I’ve already written about losing my sweet puppy dog.  I thought I was prepared for it, but it was much harder than I anticipated.  Then, I came down with the flu. Also during that month I found out that I was being moved to a new team at work and I had to move to a new office space twice within three weeks.  Hubby accepted a new position that would entail him being out of town for a solid month.  Oh, and we also had to have our roof replaced.

By the time hubby left for his month long business trip I was feeling completely frazzled.  I really planned on using my time alone to get the chaos under control.  I had a plan and it seemed fool-proof.  Unfortunately, by that time I had nothing left.  No gas in my tank. I was physically and mentally exhausted.  So, I gave myself a break.  Oh, I still went to work and kept the house livable.  But I watched a lot of television and ate a lot of fast food.  I kept thinking that I should blog, but I just didn’t have the gumption to do it.

When hubby finally got back we took a vacation to Florida.  It was great spending some time away and great having him home.  I kept thinking life would calm down, but it just kept getting more and more hectic.  Between his crazy schedule and my job it seemed like every week was just a race to survive until the weekend.  I kept thinking that I should blog, but who could find the time?

I finally started thinking that maybe I should just stop even trying to blog.  I should just take down the few posts I had written and call this a failed experiment.  After all, my life is totally chaotic and out of control right now.  Could I really justify taking time to just sit at my computer and write?  Just when I was about to kill the blog, I got to thinking that maybe this would actually be the best time to write.  I wanted a creative outlet, maybe giving myself one would allow me to start taking back control of my life. Maybe enforcing some disciple around my postings would help me to start taming the chaos. 

So, I am back.  I’m glad that I never really decided on a theme or a direction for this blog.  Because it looks like for now it is going to be about bringing you along on the journey as I try to get to get my house and my life organized again.  Wish me luck!

Farewell My Buddy

This past Saturday I had to say good-bye to my beloved border collie, Buddy. 

I adopted Buddy 12 years ago when he was just a little ball of fluff.  I picked him up and he put his paws around my neck, laid his head on my shoulder and immediately fell asleep.  I immediately fell in love.

For 12 years he has been my baby, my companion, my cat herder, and my joy.  About 2 years ago this Frisbee loving dog was diagnosed with arthritis.  He had hip dysplasia and as he aged his hip started to degenerate.  He had good days and bad days.  At first there were more good days than bad, but the scales started to tip the other way several months ago.  The poor guy had been on all sorts of pain relievers and steroids, but in the end there was nothing further that could be done.  He had reached the point where there were no more good days.  So with a heavy heart we talked to his vet.  He agreed with us that the time had come to let go.  So, on Saturday morning I said good-bye.  I know it was the right thing to do, but sometimes doing the right and responsible thing just sucks.

My sweet Buddy, I know that where you are now there is no more pain.  You can chase Frisbees all day long and have salmon for dinner every night.  Someday I will be there and I know that you will be waiting for me.  Mommy loves you, my sweet pup.

 

Women Who Inspire - Jenny Lawson

One of my very favorite bloggers is Jenny Lawson aka The Bloggess (http://thebloggess.com). She is wickedly funny and is completely off-beat and original.  She is also completely open about her struggles with depression and anxiety.  When she isn’t making me laugh she is bringing me to tears.  One minute she is bawdy and outrageous, and the next she is completely vulnerable and laying her soul bare.

Today she re-tweeted a link from one of her followers.  The link was to a letter penned by the British actor Stephen Fry to a young woman with depression.  His words were so genuine and comforting.  It was one of the most moving things I have ever read.  If you suffer from depression, please read it.  If someone you love suffers, it will give you some of the best words of comfort you will ever be able to share.  The link is http://www.lettersofnote.com/2009/10/it-will-be-sunny-one-day.html.

If you have never checked out The Bloggess, I encourage you to get yourself to her site right away.  Some days her words will move you.  Some days she will make you shriek with laughter.  But she will never, ever bore you.

Not The Way I Planned Christmas

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to everyone! 

I don’t know about you, but every year I have this dream in my head of what Christmas should look like.  It should have all of my favorite traditions from when I was little (but without all of the hard work that I know my Mom put in behind the scenes), plus all sorts of Martha Stewart-esque touches.  I expect a roaring fire and stockings hanging by the mantle.  Hubby and I would be cuddled up under blankets all toasty warm and watch the snow drift gently down.  The presents that I selected would not only be beautifully wrapped, they would each be exactly what the recipient had always dreamed of having.  Carols would be sung, cocoa would be made, and Santa would like my cookies.  It would all be perfect.

So, what did Christmas really look like?  Well, I didn’t plan far enough in advance, so I didn’t decorate the house at all.  The chimney needs to be swept really bad, so a fire in there would probably burn the house down.  We celebrated with my hubby’s side of the family early, so that part of Christmas was done by mid-month.  The “perfectly wrapped presents” turned into “presents stuffed into gift bags”.  My hubby had a vicious cold, so he was completely miserable the entire week of Christmas.  We cuddled up under seperate blankets on opposite sides of the sofa.  I did not want to be anyway near the germs he was spewing!   The only thing that went according to plan is that we had snow.  For a lot of people that wouldn’t be a big deal, but here in Texas it is pretty much a miracle to have a White Christmas.

So, was this the worst Christmas ever?  No, not by a long shot!  It may not have been perfect, but I spent the day with the person I love most in the world.  We both have good jobs, a roof over our heads, and plenty to eat.  My friends and family are all healthy.  My very old furry kids are all still going strong.  Life is pretty darn good.  Christmas might not have been perfect, but there is always next year!

For everyone in the blogosphere, I hope that 2013 will be your most prosperous, adventurous, best year ever!